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To Ethan

Days before my flight, I remember looking at his big innocent eyes and my heart broke. I heard it twitch and crack at the core of my existence almost breaking my resilience to leave. I wanted to hold him, to stick to him more than a shadow would. Him and I have always stuck as close together as two dried figs. So I felt dry, a desert fig almost on fire.

See, when you are a mom, the love of a child surpasses all others. Our love story began way before the hospital bed; you wrapped in a royalty-purple baby towel and I too sedated to hold you. Through my subconsciousness, my eyes would not let you go. My eyes held on you like my life depended on it. My life depends on you, it starts with you, it ends with you, I breathe you...

I look in his eyes and I see greatness written in it. He is growing to be something great, greater than his mom. He has my will and persistence. He has a voice too and he believes in it. Just the other day, I remember him having a conversation with his grandma after breaking the cupboard glass window with a chair he was carrying.

"Ethan, why did you break the glass?"

"I didn't break it mum. The chair did," he said as he walked past his gradma.

To him my mom is his and I am his. We are both his. Ain' t he the luckiest kid around? He calls my mother 'Mum' and calls me 'My Sharon'. Well it doesn't matter as long as he knows there is a woman called Sharon who would walk to the ends of the world just for him.

So I take my flight to this other continent with a brazen step, knowing that WHATEVER YOU NEED IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF FEAR. I have left him in safe hands yet I will miss looking at his big curious eyes, I will miss his little hands around my neck and his shy kisses on my cheeks. His voice reminds me of little stars that illuminate a ruined world. He illuminates mine. He makes me live, really live. #lifelessons #BeingAMom #LifeInAmerica

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